Chameleons: The Hidden Faces of Psychological and Narcissistic Abuse (Part 2)

Subtitle: When Love Turns to Control — Breaking Free From the Narcissist’s Grip

At some point, you begin to notice that the person who once adored you now seems irritated by your very presence. The smiles fade. The warmth turns cold. You start to question: What did I do wrong?

The truth? You didn’t do anything wrong. You simply stopped feeding the illusion.

When the narcissistic or emotionally abusive person realizes they can no longer control you the same way — that their mask is slipping — the punishment begins.

The Devaluation and Discard Phase

Once they’ve drained your energy and mirrored your goodness long enough, they begin to despise the very qualities that once drew them to you.

They withhold affection, attention, intimacy, and communication — the tools they know will wound you most deeply. They will give you crumbs of kindness to keep you holding on, only to withdraw them again when you start to feel safe.

This push-and-pull creates cognitive dissonance — your mind tells you something’s wrong, but your heart still longs for the person who once made you feel seen.

“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”— James 1:8

That instability is the very trap the abuser uses to keep you off balance. You become consumed with trying to “fix” things — when in truth, the goalposts will always move.

Gaslighting and Reactive Abuse

They accuse you of doing the very things they’re guilty of: lying, withholding affection, or being cold and distant. If you finally speak up, they twist your words until you begin apologizing for reacting to their abuse.

This is called reactive abuse — when your normal emotional reactions to mistreatment are used as “proof” that you’re the problem.

“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness.”— Isaiah 5:20

Their goal is simple: to keep you questioning your reality, so they can maintain control.

When No One Believes You

One of the deepest wounds from narcissistic abuse is the disbelief from others. You try to explain what’s happening behind closed doors, but your family, friends, or even church community may struggle to see it.

Why? Because the abuser’s public image is spotless. They are charming, helpful, and convincing — a “good person” in everyone else’s eyes.

Meanwhile, you are left isolated and doubting your own voice.

But God sees what others don’t.

“The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy.”— Proverbs 12:22

Even when the world doesn’t believe you, God knows the truth. He saw every moment, every tear, and every prayer whispered in the dark.

The Spiritual Cost of Staying Too Long

Remaining in an emotionally or narcissistically abusive relationship doesn’t just harm your self-esteem — it chips away at your soul. You begin to feel spiritually numb, disconnected from God, and unsure of who you are anymore.

But hear this truth: your identity was never meant to be defined by the pain someone else caused you.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”— Jeremiah 29:11

God’s purpose for your life still stands — even after the damage.

Letting Go and Rebuilding Through Faith

Letting go isn’t easy. It’s hard to release the hope that the person you loved could one day change. But your healing depends on letting go of who they pretended to be and accepting who they truly are.

You cannot heal in the same environment that broke you.

When you choose to walk away, you’re not giving up — you’re surrendering to God’s protection and restoration.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”— Exodus 14:14

Each step away from the abuser is a step toward your peace, your healing, and your divine identity.

Faith Reflection

You may have felt unseen, unheard, and unloved — but God has been with you every step. He was there in the silence, in the confusion, and in the moments you thought you wouldn’t make it.

Now, He’s calling you into something new: a season of restoration and renewal.

Let His truth replace the lies you were told. Let His love rebuild the parts of you that were broken.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”— Psalm 147:3

Faith Challenge for This Week:

Write down three things God has restored in your life since leaving an unhealthy relationship — even if they’re small. Then, thank Him out loud for each one. Gratitude breaks emotional strongholds and invites healing into your heart.